Forever A Sibling
The Forgotten Grief of Sibling Loss
Over the last couple of years, I’ve interviewed quite a few siblings and each time, there’s been a common thread.
When someone dies, we tend to make space for parents, spouses, or children, but siblings can end up feeling invisible. Many feel like they need to be the strong one. They step in to fill the space their sibling left behind or focus on comforting their parents, even while navigating their own loss. Their grief can feel like it comes second.
The first sibling I interviewed was Annie Sklaver Orenstein, who lost her older brother, Ben. She shared how she went looking for a book to help her navigate sibling loss, but couldn’t find anything. So she wrote one herself: Always a Sibling.
My conversation with Annie didn't just get me thinking about sibling grief in general, it made me reflect on my own family's grief after Jake died. I had mostly looked at it through my own lens of child loss and hadn't paid enough attention to the other significant grief living right alongside mine. Losing Jake didn't just leave Brian and I without a son, it left Ethan without his only brother.
The more siblings I talk to, the more stories I hear that make me want to continue with these conversations. Stories about becoming an only child overnight, or losing the only other person who knew your childhood the same way you did. The weight of being the surviving child.
Who should I talk to next?
If you know a sibling with a story to share, I’d love an introduction. Email me!
XO,
Heather
You can see all the Sibling Loss episodes on this YouTube playlist!
Hi Heather, thank you for writing this article, sharing these gorgeous photos and highlighting the YouTube playlist. My sister died when I was very young.
I'd like to expand the Bereavement and Grief Anthology I've curated to include sibling grief. May I share your article and highlight the Sibling Loss episodes in Carer Mentor?